Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
