He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
