You really coming over, don't trick.
My liver just broke up with me...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
