who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just want to make out with him forever
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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