i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
