She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
