4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
