well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
