I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize