I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
