Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
