get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
