So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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