3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize