i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
