no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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