he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
