You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
