Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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