respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize