I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
