I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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