You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
