she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
