im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
