Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
