Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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