me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
