He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
