i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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