Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
