u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
