You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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