better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
