I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize