you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize