Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
