oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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