i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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