just come out here and I will go home with you...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
