i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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