I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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