dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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