do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
