he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
