you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
