My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
