Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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