I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
