We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
