I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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