im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
