Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
