I forgot how hot balto sounded
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
