i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
