Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize