My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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