I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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