dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
