I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
