doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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