ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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