Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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