After last night, I could never be a politician.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Randomize
