I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
