Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
