just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
