I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
