Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize