Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
