just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
