I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
