I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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