i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
