so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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