He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
