I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We are two peas in an std pod
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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