U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
